JASON WU FOR TARGET, THE GIRL WITH THE LEAD PIPE!!!!!

Jason Wu for Target, The Girl With The Lead Pipe!

That's right!  It's finally here!  I hope you love!  I'm strangely emotional with clammy hands.

Calvin Klein fall 2012 makes me miss Carolyn Bessette Kennedy

Calvin Klein went ahead and doubled down on everything that Calvin Klein represents.  Precision understatement & perfect shapes. It makes me miss looking at Carolyn Bessette Kennedy in clothes.  If you say you don't, you're lying.

 TWO PERFECT DRESSES:

One perfect LBD

One perfect LPD (Little Poppy Dress)

You can see why the collection makes me miss Carolyn.  She was a publicist at Calvin Klein and always rocked classic all American style. 

Bam!  I remember this like yesterday.  This pic was taken on the morning JFK JR. formally introduced her to the paps as his wife, and asked them to respect their privacy. Snoring.  Loudly. You're a Kennedy and not just any Kennedy, you're freakin' John John.  You get no privacy.  Or at least not the kind daddy got when he was taking afternoon swims with the 19 year old intern during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  

But none of that is important.  What truly matters is her hair.  Mom and I shared a very organic obsession with her BLONDE. It  took up a lot of "long distance" minutes between NYC and Austin.  (Remember "long distance?"  Hahahaha.)  So much so, WE decided I should go to her THEN hairdresser, Brad Johns. Who, BTdubs, eventually received a cease and desist letter because he couldn't stop talking about her as a client.  

I was always slighty overstimulated by her make up on this night because she used a little red eye liner in the corners and it worked!  That's the day I learned a hint of red or violet around the eyes can be gorgeous.  

So, I go see her stylist Brad Johns.  And the shit that transpired was next level A**HOLE.  Brad himself touched my hair and informed me I could NOT be blonde, which knocked the wind out of me.  He said the best I could hope for would be a "Jen Anniston dishwater blonde."  He spent exactly two minutes with me, and had one of his minions give me the fugliest prison grey "highlights" I had ever seen.  IF there is one thing in this world I CANNOT ABIDE, it is a GODDAMN ASHY HIGHLIGHT. 

ME, NOT BEING ABLE TO BE BLONDE!  AS IF!

AND THEN, THEN, AFTER WASHING MY HAIR, THE MINION HANDED ME A BLOW DRYER!!!!! TO BLOW DRY MY OWN HAIR!!!!!!!  WHAT BITCH?  On the tip line, I wrote, "AS IF."  In short, Bite me Brad.  I might give you a decade+ overdue shitastic YELP, BRAD.  Look for me!

A heated fight between JJ and CBK. You're Welcs!

NYFW Fall 2012. Dresses! Dresses! Dresses!

BCBG Max Azria Fall 2012 brings me pure joy.  WHY? Because one of my fave garments is a loose fitting chiffon, color blocked dress.  Anyone remember Chloe spring 2012, me and Jax Teller, remember???  So west coast.  So HAWT!

{Photo Credit for all BCBG: Marcio Madeira/first View}

 

 

You have to admit, VERY sophist!  Which is your fave? I'm torn between the orange and navy stone cold fox, the electric blue drop waist with orange shoulder detail AND the girl next to her with the black pleats and the canary high waist pop.

t

Photo Credit: Marcio Madeira/firstView

L'Wren Scott

And then L'wren Scott droppped some SMOKIN' Downton Abbey femme bot inspired chic on our asses.

 Photo Credit: Marcio Madeira/firstView

 With the love and support of her beau Mic Jagger.  They date.  Have for a decade.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

..... I wonder if they have an open relationship?  Just wondering.  I'n not really open to open relationships.  But I am open, wide OPEN, like the U.S./Mexico border style wide open to hard rocking any of these total babes! ; )  And, um YES, I am publishing this post at 2:30AM.  Everything they tell you NOT to do at Successful Blog Skool.  But, I have a well known problem with authority that just WON"T DIE.  

A scathing celebration of Valentine's day

While other bloggers will be featuring heart accessories, red and pink outfits, and homemade felt heart wreathes in honor of Valentines day, I will be holding down the fort with a very personal, and scathing  celebration of the most shit-tastic "holiday" of all. I bring you, Dating Lows and Random Lecherous Fuckery I Have Endured, a Whole Pretty micro memoir.  That's right.  This is gonna be good.  Is it a good idea?  I don't know.  BUT, if I sat around vetting every idea I had before releasing it to you for your Whole Pretty pleasure, there would BE no Whole Pretty.  The following are real true quotes from real true dates yours truly really has suffered through. 

1.)"Water boarding is the shit."  Sports bar.  Blind Date. FBI agent from Laredo.  Extreme facial tic.  Spitting bits of sliders at me.  He was not joking.

I wasn't sure what to do with the imagery for this post so I just pulled some random stock footage of  their chosen professions. 

2.) "I've been really busy, after I dropped you off the other day, I had to rush home to drop off my kids and run to go meet my dinner date."  The Mayan Prince.  A troubling sentence on multiple levels.  One that he felt compelled to volunteer.  While treating me to all night HAPPY HOUR sushi, ie: DISCOUNTED sushi. 

3.) " I just want you to know, I am NOT chivalrous."  - Land surveyor within the first 5 minutes.  Really Land Surveyor?  Really?  THAT is what you want me to know? Out of the infinite choices of word combinations to share within the first five minutes of a first date, this treat chose "I just want you to know I am NOT chivalrous."  When I laughed, he dug IN with, "I'M NOT!"  So, I just left.   

3.) "I may be old enough to be your daddy, but that don't mean I won't play with your butt." - Current Texas Congressman at Austin Land and Cattle. It was odd because he then bookended the convo with details about his stem cell treatment for MS in Costa Rica and I felt sorry for him.

4.) Him: You want to play hits in the dark?

     Me: What's hits in the dark?

     Him: We turn off the lights and throw punches at each other. 

- A teenage boyfriend

5.) "Oh, noooooo, see it was a misunderstanding.  When I told you I broke up with my girlfriend, it was the girlfriend before my current girlfriend." - Barista Oh, I see!!!  You were talking about girlfriends of yore!  How did I not get that???!!!

6.) Violet and I in the park.

Him: "Hey Fancy, What's your pugs name?"
Me: "Violet"
stupid small talk ensues
Him: We should have a drink sometime.  You can find me on my website, DWIwins.com.  I'm "bulletproof."
Me: Huh?


Here is this "winner's" card ; )

So I dug a little deeper into this guy and I have good intel that he has a massive tattoo of his mom, in the clouds on his back.  And, she's still alive.


Additionally, he was held in contempt of court for throwing the universal gesture for jacking off at a female judge.

Did not work out very well for him.

Oh yea, his website is changed to dwibadass.com

And frankly, after reviewing his creds, this is exactly who I would call for friends or family, if they ever got a DWI.  Which, we NEVER will, because we spend a small fortune on cabs.  We love throwing $$$$ at a problem.

Happy Valentine's day, bitches.  Hearts and Hearts.

Objects Leroy and I could live on...

Because I wanted to stay on message, I chose these understated, caramel, sex-on-a-stick,  Louboutins.

The Creve Coeur $795

A true bargain at $795.  I may or may not treat myself.  I HAVE been working extremely hard lately. (?)  BUT, what I REALLY, REALLY want to discus with you is Mimi Alford's new memoir, Once Upon a Secret.  And, let me tell you, this is NOT good news for Camelot.

The tag line:  My affair with president John F. Kennedy and its' aftermath

Awwwwwwww SNAP.  Mimi was a 19 year old intern at the White House when she was selected for noon day swims with the President.  Uh Huh.  You heard me.  Mid afternoon swims with the Prez at the white house indoor pool.  She was at the White House during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  (Leroy said "What's the Cuban Missile crisis?"  UGH - get an education ignoramus)  Is she credible?  As credible as Abe Lincoln, bitches.  She DID keep the secret for 50 years before she was OUTED by some reckless auteurs. 

Mimi Alford mid way through her affair with JFK.

In addition to style and renegade justice, we here at The Whole Pretty loves us a SALACIOUS detail.  Who doesn't?  And now Leroy's pick for what he could live on with just a little water, yada yada yada, you know the premise.

Vintage Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders

Leroy says he loves this "beautiful picture." And all I have to say is, Do I need a pair of white boots?  Not cold stark white, creamy or taupey?  You don't have to answer now.  

Sister Heiresses The Von Thurn Und Taxis

Put your seat belt on.  This one's a doozy.

Princess Elisabeth Margarethe Maria Anna Beatriz Prinzessin von Thurn and Taxis

and her sister heiress

Princess Maria Theresia Ludowika Klothilde Helene Alexandra, Prinzessin von Thurn und Taxis

and they have a brother heiress heir

Prince Albert Maria Lamoral Miguel Johannes Gabriel

Yep, that's them.  

Nepotism X Factor: 1.) They're royalty.  2.)They are the children of the late Prince Johannes, whose family invented the postal service in Europe in the 14th century, and his wife Countess Maria Gloria of Schönburg-Glauchau.    

The mutter's outfit is Next Level.  You can tell from the previous picture that she regularly opts for this faux-milk-maid-corsetted-look.  It makes me uncomfortable.  But, I'm not German royalty, so...  And yes, I'm thinking what you're thinking.  Maria has made an unusual sister heiress choice with the brunette.

Here's Maria as a blonde with her mom.  I think it's working for her.

Frankly, yes.  Yes to Maria and what she is offering in this photo.

gold clutch + avocado pashy + red lip + to die shades + committed bang line = love

Not much info on Maria.  She keeps a much lower profile than lil' sis Elisabeth.

Factoid  ***When their dad died they inherited  one of the largest privately-owned forests in Europe.***  

Among other things.  I'm sure.

{Brauer Photos}

Princess Elizabeth enjoys activities like blogging, modeling and "beating."

"Beating is practiced in a group, when the hunters are waiting in a previously determined places while one or more beaters with or without hunting dogs comb a definite forest area, disturbing the game and driving it towards the hunters. This kind of hunting is permitted in full daylight between October 31 and March 31 of the following year."

??WTF??

From a "Z" Elizabeth to an "S" Elisabeth, we're different.  I get that.  But, I'm gonna be honest, that sounds like an afternoon in HELL.

Elisabeth released a book in 2010 about her search for, wait   for    it,   God.
That's right.  Because she is a good Catholic.  The link below is an interview with her at a book signing where she discusses her search for the Lord via "the five senses."  And if that weren't enough, with pride, she wants you to know the forward was written by
"Pope Benedict XVI's brother, Georg Ratzinger. Someone that Elizabeth and the Thurn und Taxis family has known for a long time."  She says she really likes him because he represents, among other things, the pious and sensual (HUH?) nature of the faith.

The faith of Children


Can't WAIT to get my hands on that!


AND, guess who are BFF'S???????


The Scarry sisters and EVTUT!!!!

{BFANYC}

Look!  Sister heiresses in their natural habitat doing what they do, Photo-opping!

Olympia Scarry and Elisabeth VTUT.  See how I'm putting it all together for you???  SEE??  

{BFANYC}

Elisabeth VTUT and Fiona Scarry (Remember Fiona in the succulents?  Ha. Ha.)

{BFANYC}

Olympia Scarry and Elisabeth VTUT

Now, I know this post is a lot to digest.  Just let it sit with you a while and come back to it.  It's like a problem you can't solve.  Your mind will work on it unconsciously and more will be revealed. 

The Wu for Target

Yesterday was the day.  I dominated it.  I was at Target at 6AM.  #1. This is what that looked like:

Now I know you're curious about how it all went down and I want to assure you that I am working on something VERY, VERY special for you that I hope to have completed by early next week.  I know it seems like a long time, but patience is a virtue.  I hate it when people say, "Patience is a virtue."